Adventures In Parodyverse: Two For the Price Of One - Part 1

Note: I rushed to snip this story in half and still make it somewhat readable just this morning, so it has only had minimal editing and no spell checking. Please don't kill the writer.

Adventures In Parodyverse - Two For The Price Of One

    Visionary heard a knock at the door. The sound occurred at least three times, because normally when someone knocked at the door it was his cue to hide in the bathroom until whoever it was left...especially if it was Sarah Shepherdson or Baroness Elizabeth Von Zemo.

    But for some reason, his own sense of self-preservation lapsed for a moment, and he walked over to answer the door. "Oh, it's you," he sighed with relief as he stepped aside for the Manga Shoggoth. To most people a visit from the Elder Creature would be frightening, but for Visionary it seemed fairly ordinary.

    Only this time, the Shoggoth brought Liu Xi Xian with him. And asked him to look after the teen for the day because he and Ebony had something 'reasonably dangerous' to take care of.

    "I already have a teenager," Visionary protested.

    'Precisely why you were chosen,' the Shoggoth replied. 'Hatman has no experience with teenagers, and Dancer, through selecting you to look after Kerry, has demonstrated that you are better at raising one than she is. And I'm afraid CSFB! may attempt to give Liu Xi a first hand introduction to the reproductive process--'

    "That was more than I wanted to know," Visionary interrupted loudly. "But I still think--"

    'She can virtually take care of herself,' the Shoggoth added. 'I only wish you to keep her out of the way of super-villains and CSFB!.'

    Visionary thought for a moment, and then made his second lapse in good judgement for the day. He didn't object fast enough.

    'Thank you, Visionary,' the Manga Shoggoth bubbled, interpreting Visionary's silence as an endorsement. Liu Xi then stepped out of his mass, initially covered in slime, but then left dry and clean a moment later.

    "Hello." Liu Xi waved at Visionary. "May I come in?" she asked politely.

    By then, Visionary lost track of how many times his judgement lapsed that day. He stepped aside and invited Liu Xi into his quarters at the Lair Mansion. As he closed the door, he looked across the room...Kerry was once again playing video games on the large screen living room television instead of using the TV in her bedroom. She didn't seem to even notice Liu Xi enter, until...

    "Hey, Liu Xi," Kerry mumbled without bothering to look away from the TV screen.

    Liu Xi nodded at Kerry, and immediately began tinkering with Visionary's living room stereo.

    "Um...don't do that--" Visionary never finished that sentence, as he suddenly remembered that it had been last worked on by Jamie Bautista. He quickly dove behind the couch and pulled out a flack jacket from below the couch he had placed there earlier just in case...

    ...and nothing happened, except music began playing loudly.

    Visionary sat up. "How did you do that?" he asked Liu Xi. "It didn't explode."

    "It only explodes if you play a cassette tape," Liu Xi told him.

    "Oh." Visionary turned pale for a moment. "Um...I don't suppose you can...fix it or something?"

    Liu Xi shook her head, seeming impatient as she did something else that made Visionary seem to become nauseated for a moment...she reached her entire arm directly through the metal case of the stereo as if it were intangible...and then she frowned. "Hmm." she said, "It will no longer explode, but the cassette player is now broken. I removed the nuclear reactor."

    "Nuclear reactor?" Visionary asked, shivering.

    It was that Liu Xi was joking when she smiled. "Visionary, you need to lighten up."

    "I tell fake-o that every day," Kerry interrupted absent-mindedly as she continued playing her game, "It never works."

    "That is why I arranged a lunch date for him," Liu Xi told Kerry. "She is a friend I have made recently...and lunch is less stressful to meet someone than dinner."

    Kerry shrugged and returned to her game. "Long as she knows he's fake."

    "I'm real, dammit!" Visionary fumed.

    "As real as this guy." Kerry pointed to one of the video game characters on the screen.

    Liu Xi gripped Visionary's arm and pulled him away from the living room gently, and spoke to him quietly. "This friend I have...she is not from this world. You will be free from interference from Dream or Sarah."

    Visionary smiled. Liu Xi's idea was beginning to seem better by the minute.

---

    The lunch date seemed remarkably simple and stress free, even by Visionary's standards. The meeting was set up at a small cafe across town to avoid running into anyone else by accident. Liu Xi gave him a description of the woman that he couldn't possibly mistake for anyone else...medium length blonde hair and eyes like clear gems. It was a combination Visionary recognized the moment he saw it.

    "Hi," the woman said as Visionary approached the table. Liu Xi told him what her name was supposed to be.

    "Lara?" he asked.

    She nodded and offered him a seat and a menu. "Liu Xi told me you felt a little stressed," she said. "Told me you need someone to talk to." She then smiled and added, "Well I'm the person everyone talks to."

    "How much did Liu Xi tell you?" Visionary asked as he sat down.

    "Hmm." She paused to think. "That you are raising a teenage girl...that you recently had to look after nine nearly naked alien slave girls...you had to fight for your life and everyone else's--" she paused a moment as her smile vanished, and she observed that he entered the cafe leaning on a cane. "And that you had a mild heart attack, you're still weak, and you're terrified it might happen again."

    Visionary turned pale and he looked down sadly. He finally looked up and whispered, "I guess everyone is afraid of dying...but I'm afraid of dying and of leaving Kerry without anyone to take care of her."

    "You won't die," Lara told him. She smiled again when he gave her a questioning look. "I have a pretty cool talent," she explained, "I can heal people and sense injuries. You seem to be healing well...you'll be fine. And if you want to get rid of that cane I can arrange it for you."

    Visionary looked down at the cane sadly, and thought about how it would be to feel strong again. At least as strong as he ever was compared to the rest of the Lair Legion. He saw her reach her hand out and offer it to him...and alien as the concept felt, as frightened as he was, he no longer wanted to be so weak.

    As soon as he touched her skin he felt a rush, like he was being overdosed with caffiene, and his heart began to race, giving him a fear that it might explode or give out again. But then the rush subsided quickly...and he realized that his muscles no longer felt like jelly, and his bones were no longer sore. He celebrated by standing and raising the cane up into the air. "Wow," he whispered.

    "It's just a little something I promised I'd do," Lara told him. "Liu Xi was afraid for you and Kerry. Especially Kerry...I hear she really gets attached."

    "Funny," Visionary said as he returned to his seat, "Liu Xi is the first one to ever observe that."

    Lara smiled. "Liu Xi also tells me she's been spending time around the Lair Mansion lately and you're the only one who always seems sad, frightened, or miserable. Those are her words, not mine." she shrugged. "I thought I'd offer to take you away from there for a bit. Give you some new perspective...you know?"

    "Liu Xi pays attention to me?" Visionary asked. "I thought she just ignored me like everyone else. Don't get me wrong though...I kind of like being ignored...most of the time."

    "She's a smart girl, Vish," Lara replied, using an abbreviated form of his name as he would learn later she often does. "You'd think being taught by the Manga Shoggoth she'd turn weird, wouldn't you? But instead she's picking up cues from good things he does...like rescuing and protecting innocents, and sheltering them."

    Visionary seemed confused at that. "She thinks I need sheltering?"

    "No, but she sees you kind of suffering," Lara told him. She laughed slightly as she added, "She only asked me one favor...to make you smile before I bring you home."

---

    "So you sent the dweeb on a date, eh?" Kerry asked Liu Xi as she finished up a level of her video game. Liu Xi was in the kitchen making herself a sandwich.

    "Yes," Liu Xi replied. "Maybe a date will unwind him a little...make him less of a dweeb for a little while."

    "Cool," Kerry replied, "Cause right now the stick's so far up his ass he can taste it."

    Liu Xi pondered that remark for a moment. She then laughed. "That's very disgusting." She changed topics rapidly to the food she was preparing. "Would you like a sandwich?"

    Kerry thought about interrupting the game for a moment. The next level was close, but she was hungry, and the sandwiches Liu Xi were making looked very good. Maybe she'd make some more progress after eating. "Sure." She paused the game and walked into the kitchen area. "You think fake-o will actually like this Lara?"

    "I don't know." Liu Xi shrugged. "But he needs a break from this place or he will start to fear women."

    "Cause of Lisa and my sister?" Kerry laughed. "They're not so scary. It's that Mr. Epitome he should be afraid of. I think he's gay and wants to make dweeb-o his prison bitch."

    Liu Xi spit out some of the water she just sipped and began laughing out loud. "You can be so cruel," she laughed. "Funny, but cruel."

    Kerry shrugged as she took a bite of her new sandwich. "It's my thing," she replied. "So how did you get fake-bob dork-pants to let us stay here without supervision?"

    "I told him," Liu Xi said with a smile, "that I would keep an eye on you and you would keep an eye on me."

    "And he fell for that?" Kerry laughed. "He really is a feeb."

    "But that's why you care for him," Liu Xi contemplated out loud.

    "Well yeah." Kerry shrugged again. "He's a feeb, but he's my favorite feeb. It's like having an older brother who's a little slow."

    "Who's a little slow?" a new, excitable sounding voice asked. CrazySugarFreakBoy! had managed to wander in while they two teens were talking. "And speaking of, where's Vizh?"

    "He's out trying to get laid and failing miserably as usual," Kerry quickly replied. Liu Xi giggled again. "What do you want, freak boy?"

    "That's CrazySugarFreakBoy!" CSFB! noted with vigor, striking a particularly heroic pose as he did.

    "Whatever." Kerry rolled her eyes as she took a sip of water. She then noticed CSFB! staring at her and Liu Xi finishing lunch. "What're you looking at?" she demanded.

    "Just daydreaming," he replied distantly. His eyes widened as he asked, "Are either of you lesbian or bi? I'm just wondering--"

    "Can you please be a freak somewhere else?" Kerry blurted out.

    "C'mon, don't be offended," he said. "I just think you're both pretty. I mean, do you really have any other guys here telling you that? I know you don't, Liu Xi...it must be tough on your self esteem. Everyone wants to be pretty, cool, and sexy. I mean, I have a girlfriend but you do deserve a guy like me who'll compliment you all the time. How old are you anyway?"

    "I think she's legal if you want to lure her into your crazy sugar freak love nest," Kerry offered plainly, making it seem, as usual, unsure if she was joking or if she just wanted to see what would happen if Liu Xi would become angry at CSFB!.

    But surprisingly, Liu Xi just giggled at yet another one of Kerry's cruel jokes. She then seemed to turn serious as she stood in front of CSFB, brushed one side of her hair gently behind her ear, and looked up at him. "I am legal," she told him, "But I am too much woman for you to handle."

    This time Kerry giggled, which was a first since Liu Xi's visit.

    Dream gave Liu Xi an amused smile in return. "Bullshit," he replied excitedly, "I'm years older than you...I lost my virginity when I was younger than you are now. I'm too much man for you to handle."

    Liu Xi tilted her head slightly. "Very well," she said, trying her best to look serious as she moved closer to Dream. "I guess Kerry and I should resign to our fates and allow you to have your way with us."

    "I told you I have a girlfriend," Dream replied quickly, "Who I have to meet in a few minutes. Seeya later."

    Kerry waited until CSFB! left before she burst out laughing, and Liu Xi joined her. "You are the master," Kerry laughed. "Did you see the look on his face? If you can scare CSFB! like that we really have to turn you loose on Hatman."

    Liu Xi nodded. "That would be funny." She then turned serious and whispered, "There is a serious side to what I said, though."

    "Serious?" Kerry asked suspiciously. "I don't like the sound of that."

    The Chinese teen continued, "I wasn't always with Manga Shoggoth. When I came to this country, to this city...I was one of many to be sold to someone as his wife. It's a very complex...structure. There were women teaching us how to please a potential spouse, and men teaching us basic English."

    "And you couldn't tell something was wrong?" Kerry asked.

    "In China as children we're taught all sorts of lies about what happens outside of China. When I was brought here I was convinced by my captors that it was not only legal but common. I was also taught that once I was selected all I had to do was marry who I was told to and I would have a better life here...money, freedom, things I wasn't allowed to have in China. I was stupid...it seemed a small price for happiness."

    "But if the Manga Shoggoth rescued you--"

    "Too late, he rescued me," Liu Xi interrupted. "That is why he has taken responsibility for me...for my protection, and for my life."

    Kerry frowned. Her wisecracking exterior suddenly disappeared, and she seemed worried. "What do you mean, too late?"

    "As part of the selection process," Liu Xi told Kerry as she looked directly at her, "once I was selected...I had to spend a day with him. He seemed very nice." She shrugged calmly. "I made him dinner, gave him a very decent massage as I was trained to do. He told me he loved me and wanted to keep me. I felt happy about that, I felt free."

    Liu Xi didn't look at Kerry, but could practically feel the look of shock as she continued. "He said he enjoyed the massage a lot...and he told me he wanted sex. It was my first...and I was both excited and terrified...I was young and stupid, and I was convinced I would be married to him soon...within days, in fact."

    "Shit," Kerry whispered quietly. "So you're not even a technical virgin?"

    Liu Xi shook her head. "And it gets worse...it only lasted a few seconds. Then he laughed at me and told me I was not very good, and he was sending me back. I was so angry...I burned him into charcoal, and his house too. It was the first time I knew I could control elements. I ran...I knew the police were going to send me to prison. Somehow Ebony found out about it and had Manga Shoggoth sneak me away."

    Kerry looked concerned again as she asked, "Does it still give you nightmares?"

    She shook her head again. "No." She smiled slightly. "I feel good about what I did...watching him burn alive for making me feel ashamed for what I thought would be the best moment of my life." She sighed. "But that is why I don't tell anyone about it...I don't wish people to be afraid of me."

    "I aint afraid at all." Kerry smiled slyly. "I would have done the same thing...I did just that."

    "You were sold to someone as well?" Liu Xi looked confused.

    "Aside from being pawned off to fake-o, no," Kerry laughed. "But I had this boyfriend I caught cheating on me. I blew his place up real good." She looked thoughtful for a moment. "I guess you probably don't want me telling people what you told me."

    "Only you, Lara, and Manga Shoggoth know," Liu Xi admitted.

    "No problem," Kerry said as she smiled again. "Anyone else finds out...we'll just burn them alive too."

    Liu Xi laughed.

---


    "Would you like to come in?" Visionary asked Lara Night once they arrived back at the Lair Mansion.

    "Sure, for a minute maybe," she replied. She looked up in awe at the sheer size of the structure. "I'd love to explore this place someday."

    "Maybe you'll get a chance," Visionary told her as he lead her in, and toward his own personal quarters. He opened the door and let Lara in first, turning around to shove Flapjack back out into the hallway before slamming the door again.

    "Who was that?" Lara asked.

    Visionary cringed...he hoped she wouldn't notice. "He's the caretaker," he explained. "Kind of obsessed with...well...unsavory things."

    "He collects women's underwear," Kerry blurted out. She smiled and added, "You must be Lara."

    "I've met everyone else here so you must be Kerry," Lara joked.

    "So why did you go out with fake-bob dork-pants anyway?"

    Visionary immediately buried his face in his hands and thought about sobbing...but Lara placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

    "Because even he needs someone to quietly listen to him sometimes." She glanced at Visionary. "It's good for him to talk about things."

    Kerry thought for a moment about the possibility of Visionary telling her things instead. But then she shrugged and said, "Good luck with that," and headed into the kitchen.

    "She's funny." Lara smiled. "I really like her."

    Visionary shrugged. "I'm going to put away my jacket," he said, "Just...um...make yourself comfortable I guess."

    He walked into his bedroom and sighed, trying to let go of all the nervousness he felt. He tossed his jacket over a chair and decided to fall backward onto his bed to stare at the ceiling for a few minutes. As soon as he fell back he looked next to him...Liu Xi was lying on the other half of the king sized bed, staring at the ceiling as well.

    "What are you doing here?" Visionary asked.

    "I got here first," she pointed out.

    Visionary frowned and sat up. "But it's my room!"

    "You shouldn't be so afraid of girls," Liu Xi told him as she stared at him calmly with her brown eyes. "If Dream would be laying here you would ask him to leave more calmly. And besides...I saw you shaking slightly after you spoke to Lara."

    "I'm not afraid," he said. He took a deep breath. "New people just make me nervous."

    "What about Kerry?" Liu Xi asked. She finally sat up and added, "She picks on you because it makes you more afraid. She finds that amusing."

    He frowned again. "What are you doing in my room, on my bed, anyway?"

    "I haven't laid on a bed this big in a long time," she whispered as she lay back again. "The last time was not a pleasant experience."

    "Was it a water bed?" Visionary asked. "I've had a pretty traumatizing experience with one."

    "No...it's something I don't care to discuss." Liu Xi fell silent for a moment. She then sat up and turned to slide off the bed.

    "Liu Xi...Lara tells me you've been through a lot," he said. "I just wanted to say...I'm sorry about that."

    The Chinese teen smiled. "It's not your fault. It never was. You and the others have have taken excellent care of me, given me hope. I'm not as afraid of people as I once was."

    "Good," he replied. "Now...shoo, before someone walks in here and think's we're--" Visionary paused and turned pale when he spotted Lara Night standing in the doorway. "This isn't--"

    Lara waved away his excuse. "I already know what it is," she told him. "She was there when you walked in and now you're talking."

    "Yeah...um--" Visionary stumbled.

    "It's easy to figure out," Lara continued. "She wasn't in the living room when I came in and you're both fully clothed."

    He sighed with relief. This woman Liu Xi introduced him to was a lot easier for him to deal with than most of the Lair Legion. Especially CSFB!, who would have harassed him for weeks if he were caught in similar circumstances.

    Meanwhile, Liu Xi finally took the hint that Lara wanted to speak to Visionary, and she quietly stood and left the room.

    "You have a girlfriend, don't you?" Lara asked.

    He gave Lara a slight smile. "Actually, I do, kind of. At least we're--" He paused and cleared his throat. "I haven't seen her since the heart attack, though. I was afraid to let her see me like this...like I was."

    "The Caphan girl in Lemuria Liu Xi told me about...Miiri?" Lara asked. She smiled. "Nice going." She turned serious and added, "You should be more proud of what you have, Vish. Don't say 'kind of'...you have someone who loves you and will give herself to you unconditionally. That's not something to take for granted." She sighed. "Liu Xi was right...she told me you were a little self destructive."

    "I am not--" He started to say. But then he paused when he remembered just how long it's been since he visited Lemuria.

    "She misses you, I bet," Lara told him.

    "It's just that--" He sighed deeply. "I've been on dates before, and I've--" He paused to clear his throat again. "--women sometimes use me as a toy, I guess." He looked at Lara and added, "I get used to it...and it's kind of nice, I guess. I wondered if you were going to end up doing the same thing."

    "Nah." Lara smiled. "I don't choose a plaything on the first lunch date," she joked. When he finally smiled she added, "Think about what I said, okay? You're healthy now, you can visit her if you want. If you don't want other people involved ask Liu Xi or myself to get you there. You've got friends who will help you."

    Visionary nodded. "Yeah," he said. "I think I'll do that." He looked at Lara. "But maybe a little later. I have two guests to look after now."

    "Hey," Lara laughed. "No wonder she likes you. You're always so polite."

TO BE CONTINUED?


-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2005 by Jason Froikin, and may not be
-- reprinted without permission.
-- Liu Xi Xian is (C) 2005 by Jason Froikin, all rights reserved
-- All other characters property of their respective owners

Post By Anime Jason Sat May 28, 2005 at 04:56:25 pm EDT	Subject Adventures In Parodyverse: Two For the Price Of One - Part 1

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